IT’S YOUR TURN TO LIVE
IT’S YOUR TURN TO LIVE
At 4 o clock in the morning the nurse woke me up for my medication that doctor Singh has planned for me for next 4 month. It has been more than twenty days of my surgery .My parents are a bit stable to see that I can talk to them now. My mother held my head and the nurse put two tablets in my mouth asked me to swallow it .i never liked taking tablets but somehow i took it .i could feel my mother’s hand on my head and can hear my father talking to the nurse. I slept within 10 minutes.
It was almost 9.30 in the morning I woke up .I saw doctor Singh inside the room talking to my father .He saw that I woke up then he came towards me and said “very good morning rishu .How you feeling now ?” My parents are looking towards me dying to see a smile on my face and to hear a word from me.
Me: Feeling better doc. Good morning J
My mother kissed me on my forehead and asked “did you have a good sleep rishu? .I made khichdi today your favorite.” After almost one month of my operation I ate some homemade food. My diet chart was fixed no oily food n all. I used to eat that orange juice n brown bread for twenty days which I hated. Finally doctor Singh said you can have your favorite khichdi twice in a week and asked my mother to make it less oily and less spicy. There was a chart hanging beside my bed which was getting updated I could only see my name Rishav sinha on it everything else was just a number for me. . My mother used to talk to me to sleep whenever I couldn’t sleep at nights after having a nightmare .My father used to get all kinds of chocolates for me as he knew how much I love chocolates.
(The day that I thought I will end this …)
I remember just before two months that awful day of my life .22nd of January the day when I decided to end my life .Yes I decided to commit SUICIDE .The decision that I have took so that I will not have to face the nasty situations anymore which were created by me or by my series of mistakes .i felt like there is no reason for me being alive for the next second .I felt like there is just one way to end all these problems so that I won’t have to face the consequences of my mistakes. So that people who don’t give much value to me will realize the absence of a person who used to care for them so much .So that I can just stop thinking those things which make me feel UNWANTED ,UNLUCKY,USELESS and a big time LOOSER.
My mother asked me for dinner but I couldn’t face her . I was crying sitting alone in the balcony. I didn’t turn towards her I said “mom u go to sleep I will have my dinner after some time”
My mom: Do whatever you want to do .just don’t disappoint us again in front of everybody like today.
Then my mom left the room .I couldn’t control my anger ,my frustration and my loneliness after hearing those words from my mother .I threw the laptop that I was holding and started searching for a knife .i couldn’t find one .My mother always used to tell my father to have trust on me that I am gonna do well in my studies and she convinced my father to send me to one of the finest college .Instead of being a middle class family my father managed to put me in a highly paid college .Instead of being just a normal government employee he managed to put ten thousand rupees in my hand every month after paying my course fees and hostel fees .And all I did was break his trust .
Our flat was in the 8th floor of the building .I could see the street lights in the park area of our society. I could see the security guard of our building going for a final round of turn before switching off the lifts. I was standing in the balcony remembering my last birthday that I have celebrated .My father threw a grand party because of my good score in board exams and my birthday. That day my father had hugged me and said “Son I am really proud of you” .That was the best moment of my life .It was almost two o clock at night .I had tears in my eyes and a baggage of regrets in my heart .I closed my eyes and jumped .The moment I hit the floor I could feel my body going numb my head bleeding heavily my heart beating restlessly.
(1 year back…..)
I joined one of the finest colleges in the city. My parents were really happy .We left from home at 8 “o” clock in the morning. My college was at a 4hrs distance from my home .I had two of my bags packed all with my finest clothes and a lots of homemade food and chocolates. On the way to my college papa was sitting in the front seat just beside the driver. I was so nervous for the next day was supposed to be my first day in college .papa turned towards me and mummy and said rishu you made me proud everyone at my office was congratulating me for your success .Keep it up and make us even more proud. My mummy said indeed he is .My bachhu(my mother’s pet name for me ) is the best.
I had gone there before for my counseling and for hostel admission. During those days I met Subhankar Roy. He was with his brother at the time of counseling .He didn’t knew the way to the administrative block where we were supposed to submit a Xerox copy of all our certificates before any further process. I helped him to get there .After that we talked a little bit and exchanged numbers. he seemed to b a real nice guy. Before coming to the college we had talked 3 or four times and I got to know he has the next roll number of mine .I was a bit relaxed that at least I will have someone in my class who I know before. I was the only one from my school to get a percentage of 92 and get into that college .So I had no other friends there except Subhankar .I had told Subahnkar that I will be reaching there till 11 o clock . We reached there in front of the hostel gate I saw subhankar was already there .He waved at me .His parents were with him that day .My father knew him from the counseling day .We had no idea who we were gonna be sharing room with .But luckily they had given us rooms according to our roll numbers . Both of our parents were a bit relieved that me and subhankar got the same room. We were supposed to be sharing room with another one the next roll number of subhankar Summit dutta. We looked for him but he was not around.
Then the care takers of our hostel put our luggage in our respective rooms. After that i went out for dinner for the last time with my parents .Then around 9 o clock my parents dropped me in front of the hostel gate .My mother had tears in her eyes she hugged me tightly and said don’t worry if u have any problems just give a call and we will be here in no time .That was the first I saw my father was a little bit emotional after seeing him as a strong headed ,determined and strict person for years. I was scared ,excited ,nervous, at the same time. I entered the hostel gate and the watchman instantly put a lock . I could see my parents in the other side of the gate . Prakash sir (our warden) was there he took me inside. My room was in 1st floor .
He asked me :”do you know the way to your room? Or should I come with you? .”
I saw subhankar standing there talking to someone.
Me: No sir ,my friend is here .I will go with him.
I went to subhankar he was talking to some of the students who got in to section E same as ours.He introduced me to Ripu and Sushant. We were talking suddenly a bell rang and that was our dinner bell. As i already had my dinner I went to my room and I saw our third roommate summit was still not there .
I unpacked all my stuffs and put them in to the cupboard beside my bed .It was so small of a cupboard to keep all my stuffs. So I kept one trolley of mine under my bed. The bed was of normal size I put my bed sheet on it and kept my phone on the table which my mother has gifted me 3 months back after my board results. After some time subhankar came and I asked him “how was the food?”
He said : surprisingly it was not that bad .above my expectations.
I said : Just wait bro. its just the first day.
I set the alarm at 7 o clock in the morning .the entire building was only for first year students .Each floor has 15 rooms and common washrooms for every 5 rooms .I got up early and went to the washroom there were already 5 students there so I came back to my room and took the pair of formals that I was supposed to wear and my shoes. I packed my bag with notes for 3classes .We had got our routine for each section via mail before 10 days. Quickly I went to the washroom and when I came back subhankar was almost ready. I asked him to wait for me for 10 minutes .He said “sure” meet me in the ground floor in ripu’s room. I got ready within few minutes and went directly to the canteen .Subhankar has pinged me that they are already in the canteen. I went there and it was huge .i saw subhankar ,ripu and Sushant was waiting for me there .we stood in the line and took our breakfast it was not that bad . Our college was in the next campus we four reached there and searched for D block. Our first class was physics .Everybody was well dressed and excited and nervous for the first day of college. Then in each of the classes the introduction part happened. And I got to know some more people.
After all the three classes it was lunch break for 1 hour we were about to go to the canteen .two girls came towards us and one of the asked “can you guys tell us where the canteen is ?”
Ripu : Yeah sure .we are also going there .You can come with us .
Then each of us shook hands with each other .The name Riya gupta clicked me somewhere but I couldn’t remember where I have heard the name .Then I got to know she is from the same place as of my cousin’s and she is the neighbor of my aunties’. Then all four of us , Riya and sapna (the other girl) went to the canteen. I couldn’t ask Riya if she is the same Riya that I was thinking of I had met her before 3 years ago and our meeting was for 3 or 4 minutes .We reached in front of the canteen and I was about to ask her if she remembers me. Before that she said “Thank you guys for helping out .See you later” and left with sapna .
(My first “LOVE” )
Its almost 2 months in college. I am a bit settled now in hostel. Summit Dutta my roommate who was the son of a famous industrialist Raghu dutta .He was literally a spoiled child of a rich father. We got to know that he got into the college because his father has some good connection in the committee board of the college. He never stayed in the room that has assigned to him .Everything was so easy for him whether its breaking rules of our hostel or having a party at midnight in the hostel rooms. He has some other friends in other rooms .He has a special agreement with the hostel superintendent as well Who was a former employee of his father .He used to get all the facilities which we never got. He used to came into the room once or twice a week just to get some stuff. None of us talked to him for 4 months .
We were divided into groups of 5 people each .Luckily Me and Riya were in the same group for the laboratory classes. I had talked to riya a few times before that just some formal conversation. That was the first day of our lab classes .Subhankar started teasing me when we got to know that riya was in the same group of ours .I had told subhankar about our first meeting .And undoubtedly riya was one of the stylist girl on our college .Most of the guys in our classes had a huge crush on her.Our la laboratory teacher instructed about the experiment that we were supposed to do .Though I was a bit nervous to talk to riya. subhankar pushed me to talk to her .She has these beautiful eyes that anyone would fall for her in just a second .I gathered all of my courage and asked riya about the meeting of ours 3 years back .And surprisingly she remembered me when I told her about my cousin. She is absolute diva the way she talks and that attitude of her is a total add on to that .We have exchanged numbers as we were in the same group and I used to help her with the experiments and notes .We became good friends after some days . She had no idea how I feel about her. She used to ask me for help with her notes and assignments. I was one of the top rankers in our first unit test that happened. I was the favorite student of the teachers. She was a bit week in mathematics .I used to help her out after class with the formulas and problems. It was a chance for me to spend a little more time with her I used take some chocolates for her .She would just say “so sweet of you rishu sir” with a giggle. It’s been more than 4 months of our college each moment I spend with riya was so special for me and I fell in love with her again n again each time I saw her.
Finally it was a long holiday we were waiting for. We got 5 days of holiday including the weekends .Everyone of us was desperately waiting for a break from the hectic schedule of classes. I informed my parents and dad said he will come to pick me up Friday afternoon. My other two roommates had taken the Friday off and left for home that morning. I messaged riya if she had left or not .sapna was with her .she was her schoolmate .Her father was supposed to pick them up from their hostel .But he couldn’t come .So he had sent his driver to pick both of them .
.She called me and said “ rishu .you get worried about me a lot . on my way home .I am excited that I am going home after so many days .but sad too because I won’t be able to see you for the rest of the week.”
I was so happy hearing that from her and I realized she has also some feelings for me now. Its not just me .
I said “ Please ping me after you reach .”
Riya: Yes I will rishu sir J.
(she used to call me sir often just to tease me .when she knew I didn’t like her calling me sir )
There were a few students in the class that day .Later that day when I came from my classes I saw summit in the room he was searching something inside his bag .
( I talked to him a few times . he seemed to be a cool guy.)
Me: hey summit. Are you looking for something .
Summit: hey man .not able to find my charger .can you give me yours for some time.
Me: sure ,why not .
Summit: thanks man, I will return it after 3 or 4 hours .
When are you leaving for home ?
Me: My Dad will pick me up after 8.
Happy holidays man
Summit: same to you friend .
I left for the canteen to have my snacks .As it was the end of the month I had to pay my mess fees n all I finished all of that came to my room to take my bag that I have packed .My charger was on my bed .
My Dad was waiting for me outside the hostel gate .I was so relaxed that finally I will get some time with my parents after so many days .
I was getting all the special treatments at home .my favorite food and my birthday gifts .i was missing riya a lot .we started talking on skype those days . Two days left for my holidays to be over. . My cousin’s house was at a 2 hours distance from mine .Finally i decided to tell her how feel about her. i took my dad’s bike and left from home at 5.30 in the evening . I had told my mom that i would be spending the next day at rohan’s (my sousin)house. I had told rohan about riya .He had planned everything .Mom had called aunty (rohan’s mom) that i was going there .I reached at my cousin’s place at 7 o clock in the evening
.I went in front of riya’ s home and called her up and said “can you meet me in your balcony ?”
Riya : Rishu ,you are so funny han !! i am watching my favorite movie don’t disturb me 😛
Me: Just come to balcony and talk .
Riya came and as soon as she saw me i could see the happiness on her .She came down running and pulled my cheeks and said
“rishu you really know how to surprise someone. ”
Me: The surprise is not over yet riya. J
Riya: is it! Then tell me what else u have planned to surprise me .
Me:we are going somewhere and will be back before 10 is that ok with you ?
Riya: of course yes. Let me get changed and inform mom that I will be back by 10.
Then after 10 minutes she came down .She was looking so gorgeous in that black dress I couldn’t take y eyes of her .She came to me and said are you just gonna keep looking at me or we are gonna go somewhere
Me: riya how can you look so beautiful always .
Riya :stop flirting now and lets go fast .i cant wait for the surprises that u have planned for me .though you coming here was the best of them .
Me: yes lets go then
It was a restaurant at 15 minutes distance from there. The feeling that she is sitting behind me and keeping one hand on my shoulder was carved into y hearts that day .She was talking all the way about everything that had happened in the holidays .we reached the restaurant and when she saw the place she was so excited .
Riya : This was one of my favorite places I n the town. You really know how to make me happy .
Me: My pleasure .
Then we sat for dinner and ordered one of her favorite dish .Though I didn’t like it .the expression that she has when she is eating her favorite food was enough for me . we were about to finish our dinner and I was about to say something .i was so nervous that I am going say something that I had never done before .and what if she says no! . I don’t want to lose her .will she be still my friend ! and what if she doesn’t have the same feeling as mine . What if I will spoil my friendship just by some words .
Riya: Rishu what are you thinking u can tell me .i don’t want you to get bored with all my useless stories.now its your turn to talk .You talk n l listen.
I held her hand and take out the rose that I had brought .
ME: Riya I don’t know a better way to say this But I will have to do it because every time I see you it’s a different feeling . I fell for you at the first day I met you and I have never felt like this about anyone till now .so miss Riya gupta I LOVE YOU
(I said it finally ..I kept staring at her .it felt like my heartbeat is getting faster every second.and y hands are shaking maybe she also can feel it )
Riya: I know rishu . and you know what I love you too J
(The best feeling in the world I felt like I am going to scream it to the world that the girl I love is finally mine )
She stood up from her chair and came to me and kissed me on my check and said” .i knew this was gonna happen and I felt it too . I am lucky to have you in my life.”
Riya: Rishu sir lets go .(and winked at me )
I stood up and hugged her and said u made me the happiest person in the world today. Didnt want that moment to end .I brought out the chocolates that I had brought for her .
Riya : you really are a gentleman .Chocolates and roses hann! U really know how to impress a girl . 🙂
Me: I can do anything to make you happy .you are everything to me now.
It was the last day of my holiday. My dad came to drop me .riya had messaged me that she wont come .she had fever and I was so worried about her. i reached my hostel room at and saw summit was there . I was a little bit shocked to see him in our room. He was searching for something in his cupboard. He waved at me when he saw e entering the room . I asked him
ME: when did you return from home ?
Summit: I didn’t go anywhere . I was here in the hostel and was having hell of a party.
(I smiled at him .as I already know how he spends his time In hostel in normal days .holiday was nothing new for him)
He was searching for his clothes for the party he was going for .
Summit: hey man .i am going for a party now. If you want you can join .and drinks on me
Me: no thank you for asking but i am a bit tired and need rest .u carry on
Summit : no problem .if u change your mind you can call me .my friends will come to pick you up in no time .
Me: that’s okay
Then I called up riya to ask is she has taken her medicine or not .she sounded a bit well and said she will be back in 2 days .
Riya: I will be back in 2 days .Don’t miss me much.
Me:Please eat medicine and sleep early .dont spend much time in Face book n all .you need rest .
Riya: you know me so well . I wont be staying up late don’t worry.and anything else u want me to do sir ?
ME: yes .love me like this always as you do now . 🙂 good night
Riya: love you a lot rishu . good night .
I woke up the other day subhankar was already in the room .
Me: hey subhanka .when did you came.
Subhankar: at 2 o clock in the night I was supposed to reach at 11. My train got late .
Me: yes as always you are late
We both laughed. Subhankar was always late for class . I used to wake him up in the morning for classes.
We both got ready within 1 hour .We reached to our classes. In between the classes I messaged riya .” the class is so boring without you. Please come soon”
Riya: please do listen to the lectures you only have to help e with the lecturers which I have missed
Me: don’t worry about that.
The day after that riya came back to the college .and I was so happy to see her. we spent the whole evening at the food court .she had brought me some homemade cookies for me .
It was almost the end of our semester. I was helping riya with some of the subjects .She was not that good with mathematics and in 2nd year we had a choice to change our stream .she wanted to go to the computer science stream. She thought it would be easy for her , I tried to convince her that I am here to help her out with every subjects so no need to worry .But she didn’t listen . as some of her roommates was changing their streams she also said she will be changing her stream .i didn’t get the whole point of it but she was so stubborn like a little child . I agreed I said “anyways we are gonna be in the same campus just one blok away. We can meet any time .” I don’t know I was telling that to her or consoling myself that I will not be able to see her everyday in the morning in the classes. Our semester got over it was a 2 months holiday for us . I had planned a trip to one of the nearest hill station from my town with my cousins in the vacation and I had asked rohan to include riya as well in that trip.
Its been 15 days of our vacation me and riya talked everyday . I was so excited for the trip because that was going to be the first trip with riya .at first she was not up for it but I convinced her .The day before the trip I reached at my cousins place and went to went to meet riya . Rohan had made all the arrangements the car and food and the hotels everything. We left at 4 o clock in the morning we were 6 people in the car. Everybody was a little bit sleepy and it was a 4 hr long journey .everybody slept as soon as the ride started. But riya was busy in her face book and instagram .
Me: riya get some sleep .Its gonna be a long day .
Riya: I am fine don’t worry.(She answerd as if she was busy with soething really important.)
I was a bit irritated of her using facebook all the time .
Me: riya can you please talk to me for sometime .I have planned everything for you .
Riya :Rishu don’t worry baby I will sleep when I want to .U should get some sleep . u look exhausted .
I didn’t argue with her .i didn’t want to spoil her mood by saying something to her about facebook .we already had an argument before because of her habit of using face book n all .The last time I asked her why she uses these all the time .She thought I was doubting on her. So I stopped asking to her .
We had a good time in the trip. It was memorable for me the whole trip because it was with riya. Rohan and his friends started teasing us when they got to know about me and riya .finally we reached and saw all the hill points out there at night everyone was sitting outside the hotel .The hotel owner had set up up a bonfire for us .all of us were sitting and discussing about the places we visited today and some of them were telling some funny stories about their camping experiences. riya was sitting beside me .it was so cold out there a perfect cozy and romantic weather just what I wanted with riya .Everyone wanted to sleep the next day we were supposed to leave after covering few more places . I went with riya to her room she was sharing room with one of rohan’s friend (sonali) .i was standing outside the room when riya told me thank you so much rishu for planning all this for me I can never forget this trip.and kissed me .i held her in my arms and hugged her tight .
Riya: someone might come we should go to our rooms.
Me: but I am not leaving you now and I winked at her.
Riya:baby don’t get so excited .it was just a kiss.
We heard someone soming from the hallway. She pulled my cheeks and went into her room quickly and said .”have a good night baby”
Me: i was smiling standing there.
Rohan came asked me to come and sleep . I went to the room but couldn’t sleep that night just thinking about the kiss.i messaged her .
Me: baby u made me feel so so happy .thank you
Riya: you deserve it all .Love you .
The next day we returned from the trip I dropped riya and came back to my home .These days I was used to go to my cousins place very often just to meet riya .My mom even asked me” rishu you and rohan are spending a lot of time now together. You are going there in every weekend .ask rohan to come here .” I didn’t have an excuse so I said mom I am helping rohan with his summer project that he has. And my mom believed me very easily as she knew me and rohan are of same age.
The vacation was over.We went back to college .Riya and me were not in the same class now .we cant see each other everyday as her class timings and ine were different .sometimes I used to wait for her infront of her block so that we can go out in the evening if we get some time. But most of the time she was in a hurry for her hostel timing or was busy for her assignments n all. We used to meet in Sundays for movie or lunch .we went for a movie that day .i asked riya did you make any new friends in you new class? .Some of my friends fro hostel was in her class I had asked them to help riya in class if she needs anything .i used to make notes for both of us for the common subjects but in the rest of the subjects her roommates were helping her though they were not in the same section.
Riya: yes a few .But you know there is this guy amit in our class .he is now helping me for some subjects.
Me: u have never told me about him.
Riya: its ok he is just a friend .
(After 4 months …)
It was the time of picnics .last year we didn’t go for a picnic in our class because there were some problems in the arrangement>but this year we have decided to go to some place so I asked riya to come with us .but her class picnic was the day after that she said if I go with you I won’t be able to go in our class picnic. I really wanted her to come .i was one of the coardinaters who made all the arrangements so I had to go. The other day she called e in the morning and said
Riya :“we are leaving for our picnic now. If there is some network problems don’t worry. I will call you once I will be back.
Me: okay baby .Take care
It was almost 10 o clock at night .I didn’t receive any calls from riya I got worried. i called up one of her classmates sikha who was my subhankar’s friend .i called her to check on riya .
ME: hi sikha I am a friend of subhankar. U are in the same class with riya .can you please give the phone to riya .her battery must have died.
Sikha: we had reached at 7 o clock in the evening .and after that I saw riya with amit . I have no idea where she went after that
Me: thanks a lot
At that point I had so many questions in my mind ..
Where is riya ?……….. is she safe? …….. Why was she with that guy amit?…why didn’t she reached her hostel yet…?
I got a call from an unknown number .and it was showing a name amit singh in the called id.
ME: hello
Other side : hey riya this side .sikha just called amit to check if I a with him.
Me: yes I was worried about you .where are you ?why haven’t you gone to your room yet?and why are you with him?
Riya: just calm down I am ok . me and smit we went for a movie after we have returned .and I wanted to eat Chinese and he said he knew a good place for Chinese food.
Me: are you mad riya ? you barely know that guy. how can you go out with him so late .i am coming to pick you up. tell me where are you.
Riya: stop acting like a stupid .so what if I came out with dinner with someone!!!. And u cant question me for where I go and with whome
It was the first time riya talked to me like that. she hung up the phone . I tried calling in that number but it was switched off.after 2 hours I got a message from riya
Riya : reached hostel. Good night
I called her up and said
ME: the least you can do is to call me up and inform that where were you thts all I was asking .i am sorry if I said something bad .just because I was worried about you baby.
Riya : I have no time to argue with you now m tired and cant give you any more justifications .we will talk later .good night .
I couldn’t sleep that night thinking what did I do wrong that riya is so angry at me .i was just concerned about her. the next day in the morning and I had went in front of her block I saw her coming with her friends .she came towards me and said
Riya: did you come here again to embarrass me in front of my friends again. Now the whole class of mine must have known that I have a boyfriend who acts like my father and calls up my friends to check on me .arent you done yet..?
I was so shocked to here those words from riya.i was so upset .
Me: no baby .ok m sorry if I said something wrong to you. I will make it up to you .we will go someplace nice to eat
Riya :don’t bother .you have already spoiled my mood in the morning coming here .i am getting late for my class c you later.
After that day we had so many arguments , so many fights for that night .and I tried my hard to explain her the situation that how worried I was for her. how much I care for her.but all was in vain.she was not ready to listen anything .i missed my classes so that I can go to her when she gets free time .she started ignoring my calls .so I asked subhankar to ask sikha to just check up on her if she is ok or not but don’t let her know that I asked .Subhankar was one of the good friends that I have in college now.Its been two months we haven’t talk properly either it was an argument or it was just another few minutes with her infront of her block when she just stops by seeing me standing there and asks me to go to my classes.
Those days I used to miss classes a lot just to het some time to meet her. Subhankar used to scold me that I am being so desparate for a girl. Bu it was just love .i felt guilty that I messed up everything by being so possessive .i sould have ept that to myself .i spoiled everything. Those days I was not talking to anybody .was so frustrated fro riya not talking to me and .One day subhankar came to me and said
“are you ok man ?”
Me: ya m good .dont worry.
Suhankr : I heard about amit and riya .dont worry she not worth it .
(I couldn’t understand what he is talking about ..)
ME: hey don’t say tha..t wha the hell are you talking about .and what about amit and riya .dont talk nonsense about riya .
I just pushed him to the door by listening to him
Subhankar: don’t you know now .how could she do that to you .didnt you guys broke up .Sikha just told me that riya and amit were together now and u guys broke up before .
Instantly I called up riya .because I knew subhankar would never lie to me .he knew how serious I was about riya . I was calling her up she was not receiving the call. I asked subhankar for his bike and instantly went in front of her hostel gate and messaged her.
Me: riya please come down .i want to talk to you . I am infront of your hostel gate .
She called me
Riya : rishu are you mad. What are you doing here at this time .i cant come now .whatever u want to tell tell me in phone
Me :riya please just 5 minutes .please come down. or else I am going inside
Riya: don’t make a scene now. I am coming down.
She came down .i was seeing her after almost a week.she didn’t seem to be happy .she came to me and started questioning me .
Riya: why are you here? What do you want?isnt it enough with the calls that u came down here to disturb me ?
ME: riya don’t you think I should be the one asking questions ? when were you going to tell me about you and amit ?
Riya :yes amit proposed to me before 10 days and I said yes .because you know what rishu I am sick of this behavior of yours .i cant take it anymore .is this all you wanted to know..?. u got your answer u can leave now.
She left after saying this and I was standing there with a broken heart crying out loud in my heart for riya.
That day I couldn’t go back to my room. I started the bike and left from there but I didn’t know where I was going ..Tears rolling from my eyes and my bike was almost in a speed of80. I just kept thinking that its just a dream and I am gonna wake up at any moment .i will be getting a good morning message from riya when I wake up and everything is gonna all right. a big flash light suddenly came on to my face . the moment I realized it’s a truck I turned my bike to other side of the road I hit a tree and I fell from the bike I didn’t get much injured except of some scratches on my leg .thats when I realized I was on the highway far away from my college just the outside of the city. I didn’t want to go back from there .i picked up the bike and I checked my phone. There was 30 missed calls from riya, suhankar and my mom.
When I was the name riya I couldn’t control myself and with little hope that came to me by seeing her name I called her up.
ME: riya ,did you call ?
Riya: yes I was calling you from last two hours .where the hell are you ? subhankar is calling e to check if you are with me . didn’t you go back to your room ? and why your friends are calling me to ask about you ?
ME: Riya does it really matter to you where am I ?
Riya: no it doesn’t .wherever the hell you are .just go back to your room and ask you friends not to call me .i hope you are not a child and can take care of yourself really well.
Before I say anything she cute the phone .i was angry, heart broken, divested because of the whole situation. Just when I was about to throw my phone subhankar called me .i picked up the phone .
Subhankar : where are you dude? We have been calling you since last two hours . you were not picking up the phone. So I called up riya .and she said you had left from there .are you fine ?
Me: yes I am fine .
Subhankar: u don’t sound fine anyways just come back wherever you are .we were so worried about you .and call up you mom .she has been calling you .
(Maybe he has assumed my situation over the phone as he was the one who told me the truth I was supposed to know from riya .)
Me: yes ok
I was my phone I had 10 missed calls from my mom. But I couldn’t call her .i kept the phone inside and started the bike and left for my hostel.
The moment reached hostel. I saw Subhankar was standing there in front of the gate .i parked the bike and was going towards the gate .subhankar ran towards me .
Subhankar : u idiot . did you forget to check the time. It 12,30 .we will not be able to go inside from the front gate .The guard at the back gate of the hostel is on leave today and I had given some money to the kitchen assistant he will let us in .just come fast.
He pulled me from my hand and when were going through the back door we saw summit and his friends were there as well. We were not shocked to see him there .he already had an arrangement with some of the hostel staffs. And that’s how he goes out for his parties. all of us knew that. we reached our room . I was avoiding eye contact with Subhankar because what if he will notice my swollen face and all bruised up eyes . I was sitting on my bed facing towards the window .
Subhankar: rishu are you ok ? what happened with riya ?
Me: not really .and you were right about riya .she is with someone else now .
Maybe Subhankar didn’t know what to say after that .he is really not good at consoling people.neither good at talking to someone .and thts why I used to tease him that he cant have a girlfriend ever .he gets a bit conscious talking to someone specially in a serious situation
Subhankar: ok better u sleep now . its late .and eat you dinner I kept on your table .
I was not in a mood to talk to anyone . I didn’t reply to him .maybe he understood that and he slept .sometime later summit came to the room all drunk and wasted .
Summit: hey bro .how was the party! I was you coming from the back gate . I am going to sleep here today there are no more space in that other room now .
I ignored him and took my chair outside of the room to sit in the balcony/smoking area of our floor. Nobody was there . I was sitting there all night recollecting everything that has happened today and looking for my mistakes in everything for which riya left me . I didn’t realize I slept in the chair . in the morning Subhankar came and woke me up .
Subhankar: rishu , did you sleep here all night ? it 10 o clock we have classes at 10.30 .go get ready fast
Me: I am not going anywhere .just let me be .
Subhankar: its ok take your time . I know how close you both guys were .and ..
ME: please don’t talk about her .and please don’t talk to me at all. I just want to be left alone .
Subhankar: okay
Subhankar left from there .then I went inside my room to check my phone thinking maybe riya had called .. maybe riya has realized that it was all a mistake …? Maybe it was just a tantrum of her to show me that how important she is in my life ?
I was summit lying on the bed .i was so tired .i was not able to open my eyes properly . I went into my bed and was trying to sleep when my mom called .i picked up the phone .
Mom: bachhu ,are you ok now ? how are you feeling . u must have eaten some street foods .i told you to be careful.
I didn’t understand what mom was talking about .
Mom:Subhankar told me that you had fever last night .and u were sleeping so u couldn’t pick up the call. he told me that he will tell you to call me back as soon as you feel good .
Subhankar has made up a story to save me from the embarrassment .
Mom: such a nice boy Subhankar is . its already 12 o clock . didn’t you go for you classes .?are you still not well? We are coming today then what if something is serious.
Like every other mother in the world my mom freaks out if anyone tells her that I am not well.
Me: I am okay mom .just calm down . I had taken medicines and I am fine now just a bit tired so I took the day off from college today.
Mom: my bachhu .Please take care of yourself .we will be coming this week to see you .its been a log time that I have seen my child .tell me what should I bring for you ? I will bring you favorite alu paratha this time . I will bring some for Subhankar as well. Anything else you need bachhu ?
ME: no mom , anyways I want to sleep for sometime now .will call you later .
I cut the phone just when I was the picture of me an riya in the wallpaper of my phone that I had kept from our last trip.
I slept the whole day and when I woke up it was 5 o clock in the evening. I was hungry but it was past lunch time didn’t find anything in the canteen .i picked up 2 packets of biscuits from the store inside the canteen and was came back to my room. I was eating them when Subhankar entered the room.
Subhankar : u missed the lunch time as well? When did you get up ? and I want to talk to you about riya .
ME: what is left there to talk about ? I don’t want to talk.
Its almost been a month science that day .i lost my interest in everything . I started missing my classes.my grades started falling .i used to sleep on my bed for hours thinking what went wrong .and how can I make it right .i tried calling riya many times .she didn’t pick up. I saw her sometimes with amit on his bike outside of the college .
That day Subhankar came to my room I had came from the class after the first half and didn’t go back.subhankar came at 6 o clock that evening . I had never seen him so angry before .he came into the room and sat infront of my bed .and looked in my eyes .
Subhankar: Whats wrong with you man ? you have been missing all the lectures now . u have been behaving like an asshole from that day . are you out of you mind or what .now listen to what I am saying …… do you know amit and riya knew each other before college .they had met in some school functions in their schools. And when they got to know they were in same section in college they started talking in fb .and that’s where it all started .they were good friends from the first day of their class as they knew each other before. And that girl found someone else to help her with her assignments . and all this time she was just keeping u just as a friend .Everybody in her class knew that u guys had broken up because of her closeness to amit .and they both were together. She was just using you nothing else . sikha told me everything .So you should now stop cribbing about that girl now .and get yourself some life .
I was not able to face him that day . I could see how much he is worried about me .listening to all this .i left the room .went to the balcony/smoking area where I saw summit standing and smoking cigarettes .i was just about to leave sumit asked me
Summit : are you ok man ? do you want one ?
He offered me a cigarette from the pack that he was holding .The image of riya and amit was going on in my head, without thinking anything I picked up one and stared following his instructions .he was laughing at me not knowing how to smoke and telling me how to do it .i just wanted to get my mind off from all these .from that day summit became my smoking buddy. Everyday after college we used to hangout in the food court of our college .after some days I got to know some of his friends .
I used to bunk classes and go out with him for games or movies .subhankar tried a thousand times to make me understand not to be friends with him. But maybe I was not able to face the reality anymore I wanted to be in a world where there will be no riya .it been months but still not able to forget riya. Not able to concentrate on my studies . it was 10 days left for our semester .and I didn’t know exactly what the subjects were .that day I was sitting in the smoking area having a ciggarate. Smmit came
Sumit: hey man ,how are u doing .
Me: all god man. (I offered him a cigarette )
Summit :thanks bro
We both were sitting there he was talking something about his new farmhouse that his dad has brought and a new car that his dad has gifted him. I was barely listening to him. He was almost done with the cigarette and was about to leave.
Summit: hey bro you are coming for the party today. We will be leaving at 10 . I had made all the arrangements .
Me: party! Which party..
Summit :I am throwing a party in a hotel just outside the city for my new car dude. And u are coming
Me: no summit it will not be possible for me to come .anyways congratulations on your new car.
Summit : no problem dude .i will ping the address in the group .u can call me anytime .if you change your mind .(he has added me to his friends circle now a days .he has added me to one of their groups where everyone used to give all the party information that is happening in the town.)
Me: sure .
I was sitting there I was almost done with my fifth cigarette .i was going through my face book account. I was going through it after so many days .i saw a picture of amit and riya .i had no guts to remove her from my account .i still had some hope that she will come back. I saw that picture’s caption “in a place like this love is all in here .” when I saw the picture I got to know that was the same place that I had went with riya ,the same hill station. I called up riya . I just wanted to punch someone at that time . she didn’t pick up .i called her again n again . I didn’t know tears coming out of my eyes when I was dialing her number. I threw the phone towards the door of our room .subhankar was inside the romm .he came outside . he saw me I was furious with anger .he picked up my phone and gave it to me.
Subhankar: dude whats wrong with you. The display is totally broken now .u cant use it anymore .and what are you doing here .(he saw the cigarette in my hand . he stopped asking anything and left. He had already tried to make me understand about my bad habits that I was developing smoking, drinking ,partying . I was not listening to him .instead I was fighting with him to stop interfering in my personal life )
I took the phone and somehow managed to call summit. I just wanted to go somewhere and get wasted so that I will not remember anything .
Me: have you left for the party!
Sumit : I knew u would change your mind , u just come down to the gate . I am coming to pick you up from there .
We left from the hostel at 10 o clock that night .he had other 2 of his friends in the car. Summit was driving the car. I was sitting in the back seat one of his friends was sitting with him .his name was rocky ,
Summit introduced me to both of his friends rocky and piyush, I had gone to some of the parties before with summit but never seen him . loud punjabi music going on in the car. rocky was trying to crack some lame jokes .
ME: I have never seen you guys with summit before .
Summit : they are my childhood friends . currently staying in the US. They are here for the vacation.
We reached the hotel at 11 o clock ,at that time the party was already at its peak. 10 of his other friends were already there. We started out with some beer. Summit knew somhow about my breakup .when the waiter came to ask for the second round of beer. Sumit said to him “ beer doesn’t work when your heart is broken ,get him something strong ,” he ordered something I didn’t know what it was all of them was really high and after drinking that I was high too .but I could talk at that moment , I was feeling a bit unstable at that time so I left for the washroom .my head was rolling and I could barely see or hear anyone properly with the high music and the dancing lights inside . I thought to go back .i came from the washroom and was about to ask summit that I want to leave now and not feeling well.
I was standing there beside him he pulled me to the sofa and gave me some kind of drink ,and said don’t tell me that u are leaving ,I have planned something special for you .just take it and u will feel at the top of the world . I didn’t want to stay there a minute because I was feeling uneasy ,but summit and his friends forced me to drink that and somehow I drank it .after that I was not able to stand up on my feet .i passed out on the sofa .i couldn’t hear the music, everything went blurr, I came to me senses after 10 or 20 minutes I woke up in the same sofa ,my head was hurting like hell and I saw summit and his friends were on the dance floor dancing like crazy.
Just when I was trying to stand up ,some 10 or 15 people came inside the restaurant and everyone was running here and there . I couldn’t understand what was happening ,one of them came to me and slapped me hard on my face, everything was clear to me then, they were police officers and they had came there for a search because they had an information about opium and heroin exchange in that place . they were beating the guys and taking everyone to a big police van outside the restaurant,and I was one of them.
We were 20 or 25 people there in the police station, the girls were crying , and I was still trying to kepp everything in place what has happened and I couldn’t belive that I an in a police station ,summit was also there with me ,the put all of us in a cell and took all of our cell phones .then the called us one by one for alcohol and drugs examination. They said we will let u go if there is no drug content in your body and but will keep an eye on you .i was terrified by all tehse , I was shaking inside seeing all of these happening ,there were lady police officers who were checking the girls bags and phones and everything and the men police officers were calling us one by one to write down our names and for the drug examination. it was my turn I went there standing infront of the police officer ,he asked my name without even looking at me ,I couldn’t speak out of fear, he asked again,
ME:rishab, rishab sinha
The police officer then looked at me , and asked me surprisingly rishab sinha ! the son of aniket sinha !!!
When I heard my fathers name it all came to my mind ,he is one of my fathers friend ,and I had met him before on my birthday party that my father has thrown before after my boards.
Ours drug tests were already done and they found e positive on drugs ,but I had no idea how they found it ,then he said me to stand in the same line that others were standing , I saw summit’s father came there and took him in no time ,his father already had some connections there so it was not a big deal for him to get caught ,when he was leaving he told me “don’t worry bro, I will talk to my father and will take you out of here in the morning as soon as possible ,give me some time “. I knew summit must have mixed soething in y drink when he forced me to drink that.
Then the police officer (my father’s friend ).i remembered him as das uncle came towards me and said .
Das uncle : does your father know that you are here , shame on you ,and why do you have these disgusting friends, are you the same boy whose father was so proud of him because of his success.do you even know what types of drugs you have been taking .it can kill you instantly. I had already called your father he will be here to take you home . I am letting you go because I know your father or else it would have been difficult to get out of these type of cases .
I was sitting there on a bench and my father came and talked to das uncle for few minutes and came towards me and slapped me really hard on my face , I could see tears in his eyes .Das uncle asked y dad to take me home as soon as possible .My father took me from there ,my home was at a 2 hours distance from there ,I sat in the car ,I was not able to look into the eyes of my father, I could sense his anger, his disappointment . I didn’t talk the whole time we were in the car, we reached home my mom opened the door and my dad instantly went to his room without saying a word to me or mom.My mom sked me
MOM: rishu what have you done! How did you get into these bad things ..she couldn’t control her tears and started crying . I had no answers to any of her questions. I couldn’t face her . i went inside my room.i locked myself inside the washroom and started crying , I cried the whole night just thinking about what a blunder I did and how it is affecting my parents .somehow the effects of alcohol and drugs were not over yet my head was killing me ,and I couldn’t stop crying , the next day I woke up in the morning I found myself in the washroom floor, I had passed out in there ,
Then I came out of the washroom, and was sitting on my bed my mom came into my room asking me to come for breakfast. I was scared to face my father so I said I a fine I will have it later. my mom didn’t ask me the second time she left ,the whole day I was just sitting in my room , I didn’t have guts to come out of the room and face anybody.
It was 22nd of January the day when I decided to end my life .Yes I decided to commit SUICIDE .The decision that I have took so that I will not have to face the nasty situations anymore which were created by me or by my series of mistakes . and I jumped from my balcony .
(Present day …….)
Its almost 3 months of my surgery,Subhankar is there in the hospital to see me . now I a able to talk properly and I could see a smile in my parents face .and that’s when I realized the mistakes that I had done had hurt the people that I love the most and after being an asshole being an idiot and a total mess y family accepted me and forgave me fro all the mistakes .That day my father came to me and said
Papa: rishu the doctor said that you can go home tomorrow morning, and you are absolutely all right now .and Subhankar will be staying for few days with us now in our home .
ME: papa I know that I disappointed you and I didn’t realize that I was going to a hell hole .i was not able to face you that day so I decided to end it .
Papa: no beta that’s not the way you end things ,if you have done something wrong have courage to face the consequences and make it right . and don’t tray any of these stupid acts again .your mother and I would have died if anything would have happened to you.
My mother was sitting beside me holding my hand and Subhankar was getting my bags ready to leave .
Subhankar: hey man finally you woke up hannn! There are a lot of things u missed in college .we will be talking about it all in your room and with your PS .
The next morning we left for our home .in the way home Subhankar was telling me all about college and was trying to make me laugh . and my parents making me eat everything that I had missed when I was in the hospital. That moment I realized happy ending are just in stories .in life its all about new beginning .
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