That was one of the last few times i saw her, lying on the bed not able to wake up and looking at me recognizing me sometimes and sometimes with a blank expression as if she is trying to remember my name . Even when the days she recognized me , she would not be able to speak much , she did not have any energy left for that . She would just look at me say my name with a trembling voice and would smile looking at me .

Thats my grandmom i am talking about , my mom’s mom . I remember those moments precisely when sometimes she would try to wake up from bed seeing me coming but she could not and she she would try to hold my hand or give a sweep on my cheek with her tiny hands . But she could not . She needed help even for the things like eating , bathing and getting up from bed .

Sometimes i wonder why do people age , and why is it that we have to die , can we live foreever ! And then we will not have to go through the pain of loosing someone . Yes i lost my grandmom few months back , yet i still feel her presence and remember the things shw would say or speak whenever i had went to meet her. Its difficult to see someone going from a phase where they are laughing and talking with you till the time where they cant even recognize you .

Both of my grandparents from my moms side are like idols to me in my life in some way or the other . Be it the unconditional love they had for me or the life values that they have taught me or be it inspiring me in various different ways . I always have learnt a lot of things from them . I would be forever grateful to them for all the things that they have done for me .

I remember the time when my mom had to travel out of town for few months for one of her major operations ,as it was not possible anywhere near our place . And me and my brother had shifted to my grandparents house during those times . We were very little to realize the seriousness of the situation , i was about 8or so and my brother was 4 .Though we were missing our mom but we could not really understand what was really happening .

That time both of my grandparents had taken so good care of us and given us so much love , that we never felt that we were not home . Along with batteling with the emotion of seeing their chlld go throgh a difficult situation . They aslo had to manage two little children who are away from their mother . And that time since it was a new city for my parents they too had no idea how to get things done over there . They too were struggling with the emotional ,financial stress , along with managing things in a new city .

Though they had few people to help them with , it was not easy for both of them too . I remember my mom would call once in a day from the hospital and all four of us , me , my brother and both of my grandparens would sit beside the phone waiting for the call .My grandmom would finish up her work early the day my mom would say she will call .I could feel the tension and scarilty in her voice while she was talking to my mom .

Though my grandfather would keep a straight face and not let his emotions come righ away on face , he would sit on the courtyard for hours after the phonecall with my mom .It was turn by turn that everyday they would tell us a story . and i was always excited about it at the end of the day .

When my mom came back home after her surgery . I could see the happiness on their face and i could feel the love was all in the air . It was most probably the happiest days of their life i am sure and mine too .My grandmom was a little stubborn when it came to maintaining and following few cultures in her days,even at the cost of her health . She would not listen o anyone ,not even my grandfather when it came to following tradition at any cost .And she maintained that till the last moment , or at least till the moment she would remeber things .

At the end when i was her in her last few days it was just all the memories just flashed back ., I would see her surrounded by her childern all the time , either any of my aunts or uncles were there with my grandmom . they never left her alone at any cost . And as i saw that i felt how licky is she right ! In the end moments of her life , she could spend it with her chldren .

Yeah its difficult to find it now a days , isint it ! But I knwo the way my mom felt about her mom . And i feel the exact same way towards her . Thats why we say there we no one like MOM in the world and . No one can replace your mom in your life .

The day she She left the world , i felt something vanished from my life , or something is just went missing just like that . But i know whereever she is , she is watching out for me and giving me all the love that she has . Though i feel a little jelous of her in some way because i am not sure , the day i would die . I would be sourrounded with my children who love me so much and are ready to do every little thing for me . Or i would be dieng on a bed with noone beside me crying out loud for some love .

If its in my hand , i would like to live her life all over again. What a life she lived with full of love , affection alongside with her values in life . All i can say is she left the world making the world alittle better place and with a lot of grace .

Miss you 🙁

Anindita Rath